


Lawyer Bunch

by Cravatsarecool



Category: Brady Bunch, 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Gen, Literal Rewrite, M/M, Tags Are Hard, What Was I Thinking?, even though it's got Sebastian you don't need to know anything about AAI2, first fic here, i am trash, i think, it's cute, the AU that no one asked for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 14:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4669469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cravatsarecool/pseuds/Cravatsarecool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Here’s the story of a lovely lady-”<br/>“Wright, I am not a woman.”<br/>“Who was bringing up three very lovely girls-”<br/>“You’re forgetting Sebastian.”<br/>“All of them had hair of gold like their mother-”<br/>“No one in their right mind would mistake me for being blond.”<br/>The youngest one in curls<br/>“Are you completely blind?”</p><p>“Here’s the story of a man named Phoenix-”<br/>“So you’re permitted to be a man…”<br/>“Who was busy with three boys of his own-”<br/>“Two of which were, in fact, girls.”<br/>“They were four men living all together-”<br/>“I’m beginning to deeply question your perception of gender.”<br/>“Yet they were all alone.”</p><p>“Til the one day when the lady met this fella-”<br/>“Stop attempting to make this heterosexual.”<br/>“And they knew it was much more than a hunch<br/>That this group must somehow form a family<br/>That’s the way we all became the Lawyer Bunch!”<br/>“That’s an idiotic name for our fami-”</p><p>“The Lawyer Bunch<br/>The Lawyer Bunch<br/>That’s the way we all became the Lawyer Bunch!”<br/>“Are you quite finished?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A Brady Bunch/Ace Attorney AU. I’m so sorry, everyone. This started out as a joke idea from a friend, then I sort of wrote 20 pages of it, and, well… Anyway, this was an experiment, and I’d love some feedback on it. First though, you’ve got to meet the family. They’re sorted by personality to their original character inspiration and relationship to the father, and not much else.
> 
> Phoenix’s Side:
> 
> Apollo (Greg Brady)-14 years old  
> Vera (Peter Brady)-11 years old  
> Pearl (Cindy Ann)-6 years old
> 
> Edgeworth’s Side:  
> Trucy (Marcia Ann)-13 years old  
> Kay (Jan Ann)-10 years old  
> Sebastian Debeste (Bobby Brady)-8 years old (To reiterate, no knowledge of AAI2 is required.)
> 
> With that, onto the actual story!

It was a bright, sunny Saturday morning in the Wright household. Sunlight streamed in through the window to shine upon the three Wright children sitting at a table and eating their breakfast. Birds were chirping and a light breeze toyed with the trees outside. Yet, despite all the evidence to the contrary, the children were well aware that today was not an ordinary day. Today, their lives would change drastically.

As if in preparation for this change, no one spoke much, instead choosing to wolf down their eggs and toast. The only sound heard over the clanging of silverware was the occasional comment from the family's housekeeper, Maya. She bustled around the room, refilling drinks and trying not to burn the bacon. On her way back to the sink, Maya narrowly avoided dropping a glass when Mr. Wright walked in and bumped into her.

Phoenix Wright looked like a complete mess. His hair was uncombed, his shirt was rumpled, and his tie hung loose. "Sorry, Maya," He walked around her to sit down in the empty chair meant for him and briefly look around the room. The man cleared his throat. He picked a napkin off the table, "Alright, look guys, eat a good breakfast today. I know we're all nervous, but let's start this day off right, alright?"

Phoenix's eldest son, Apollo looked up from his own meal, swallowing some egg before he answered. "We're almost finished, Dad."

His sister, Vera, spoke up quietly next to him, "You haven't eaten anything at all." The girl dared to point a finger at Phoenix's plate full of food.

"Oh. Well, um, yeah. I think I'll stick with coffee for now." Phoenix dumped a spoonful of sugar in his coffee. And another. And another. The housekeeper laughed loudly and clapped him on the back.

"I can't blame you for being nervous, Nick! This is a really big day for you!"

The sugar was deposited into the coffee ceaselessly. "It is." The husband-to-be let out a forced chuckle, "But who said I was nervous? I'm not nervous. Not at all I've been waiting for this moment for ages! Why would I be nervous? I-I know what I'm doing!"

"Are you sure?" Maya easily cut through the man's rambling. The housekeeper grabbed her boss' hand, forcing him to stop. "That's gotta be the first time I've seen you take twenty-one spoons of sugar."

"...I like it sweet." The lawyer defended. He swirled the sugar around in the cup, but the soggy mess was too much to dissolve. It stayed in a slushy heap at the bottom of the mug and its owner made a face at the brew.

"Right..." she drew out the word, "Nick, every groom is a little nervous for their wedding day."

Vera timidly nodded, "It's a normal reaction."

"Yeah, Dad. I once saw a movie where a man was getting married, and he forgot to put his pants on." Apollo said after he had finished off his plate.

Upon hearing this, the youngest Wright child, Pearl, felt her eyes grow wide and her mouth formed into a small o-shape. Much to the family's confusion, the little girl stood up from her seat to look under the table. After a moment, she reemerged, looking greatly relieved. "You're okay, Daddy."

Phoenix snorted, running a hand through his hair. "Thanks. Now please sit down."

The little girl obediently returned to her seat, "Don't worry. You and Edgeworth make a great couple. You're gonna be really happy together." Maya cut in to replace the cup of coffee drowned in sugar with something healthier for Phoenix. Then she promptly downed the sugar filled coffee.

The eldest boy hummed in agreement, "He's an admirable man."

"...I like him," Vera admitted, keeping her eyes trained on her food.

Pearl squeaked with delight. "He's a wonderful special someone!"

"I guess that makes it unanimous," Phoenix smiled at his kids, "I think he's pretty special as well." Hands shaking, he raised his cup to his lips, only to drop the cup.

"Geez!" Maya walked over to help with the spill, "Your groom better not be as nervous as you are, Nick!"

"Heh." Phoenix tried to rub the coffee stain on his sleeve out, "Not Miles. My groom-to-be is always calm and collected."

 

Over on another side of town, the same sun streamed through lacy white curtains to reach an elegant bedroom. A young, brown haired girl sat in a chair while her two siblings watched from their seat on the bed. A worried looking man wearing magenta stood in between them, pulling at the brown haired girl's hair rather roughly. He stopped as tugging elicited a squeal from the girl. The man, Miles Edgeworth, stepped back and shook his head.

"...There's no time for this. The wedding is due to start in an hour, and I still have to do all of your hair." He paced around the room as his three children stared owlishly at him. "Kay, what happened to your ponytail? I made your ponytail fifteen minutes ago!" The raven haired girl Edgeworth was addressing shrugged, bouncing on the foot of the bed.

Her father ignored her, walking over face himself in the mirror. "I can't accept anything less than perfect on my wedding day. Failure is not an option."

The girl whose hair was being brushed earlier, Trucy, piped up, 'I think it's going to be perfect, Papa."

"Me too," the raven-haired one, Kay, was quick to chime in.

Edgeworth turned to look at his children, "How can you say that when everything is off to such a bad start?"

Sebastian swung his legs back and forth, furrowing his brow slightly while he thought over the question. "Because we love you?"

After a beat of not responding, Edgeworth allowed himself a small smile that still felt foreign on his face. He walked over and sat next to the kids on his bed. "You do really like Phoenix, don't you?"

"Of course we like him!" Came Trucy's enthusiastic reply.

"A lot!" Sebastian nodded.

"Know how much we like him?" Kay had a mischievous glint in her eyes. Edgeworth didn't like it at all, but he decided to humor the girl.

"How much?"

The young girl pounced on him, grabbing him tightly in a fierce hug. "This much!"

Edgeworth gave a hum of amusement, returning his daughter's hug before prying her off of him. "I'm confident that we're all going to be happy. I'm going to be happy, you're going to be happy. ...Phoenix is going to be happy. As are Apollo, Vera, and Pearl." He gave the two girls and his son a forced smile

Sebastian mostly looked confused again. "If everyone is going to be happy, why don't you look happy too, Papa?"

"I look perfectly happy." Edgeworth said through gritted teeth.

"Liar," His oldest muttered. The prosecutor shot her a little glare, but his cell phone rang just before Edgeworth could reply.

Kay adopted a sing-songy tone, bouncing on the bed "I bet it's Phoenix!"

"What makes you say that?" The phone stopped ringing as Edgeworth picked it up. "Get down from there."

Kay sulked, dropping down into a sitting position, "It's always Phoenix." Trucy and Sebastian nodded their agreement.

"Hello. Miles Edgeworth speaking." The man paused. He inclined his head to the kids watching. "It is Phoenix." Kay pumped her fist in success. "How are you?"

His soon-to-be husband's nervous chuckle sounded over the phone, "I'm kinda scared, to be honest."

"I am as well." Edgeworth admitted after a pause, "My heart's in my throat."

The man started when Sebastian cried out in alarm. The little boy leaped off the bed and tugged on his father's arm, "Papa! You should see a doctor right away!"

Edgeworth pulled his phone away from his mouth, "Don't be ridiculous, Sebastian. It was only an expression. Besides, that's biologically impossible,"

"Bio-whogically?"

"I'll explain it to you later," The prosecutor muttered. There was no time for this. "Why don't you children go get yourselves dressed. I'll see to you later."

"Aww, that's boring! Can't we stay here?" The raven-haired girl started to whine. Her older sister felt the need to step in.

"Come on, you guys." The girl pulled her siblings to their feet, shooting her father a playful grin "The grooms want to talk privately."

Kay snickered impishly, following Trucy out of the room, "Yeah, privately."

"Privately?" Sebastian echoed, trailing after his big sisters.

Edgeworth pinched the bridge of his nose, putting his phone next to his ear again, "My apologies. You know how children are."

"You're lucky. Pearl checked to make sure that I was wearing pants at breakfast."

"Smart girl," The prosecutor smirked, "I wouldn't put it past you to forget something so important,"

"Hey!"

 

Back at the Wright household, things were picking up. Apollo and Pearl had finished getting changed and were ready to go, but Vera was nowhere to be seen. Phoenix was about to give up looking and let Maya find the girl somewhere when he walked into his room. Standing there in her little groomsmaid dress was Vera. Her dress was pink striped and her hair was held back with a pretty bonnet of the same color. The girl looked worried, and so Phoenix walked over to her.

"There you are, Vera. What are you doing in here?"

Vera pointed at the large mirror on Phoenix's wall. "...I wanted to see if I looked okay."

A kiss was planted on the girl's head. "You look adorable, princess." The man stood, walking the silent girl to the door. "Now come on, we've got to get going. Miles will kill me if I'm late to my own wedding." As he was about to leave, the lawyer noticed something. The bedside table next to his plant named Charley was empty. The framed picture of Iris that usually stood there was gone.

Phoenix retraced his steps, looking around and even behind the little desk. Vera watched him, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "Princess?" The man gave up his search. "Where's your mother's portrait?" It was one of his most prized possessions; Vera had painted the image herself. She had only been eight years old when she created it, but it practically looked professional.

The little girl fiddled with the ends of her dress, looking down. "I… I put it away. In the drawer."

"I see. Because of Miles?"

"I just thought that maybe, when he moves in… he wouldn't like seeing my mom."

Phoenix sighed. He knelt down to be eye level with his daughter and put a hand on her shoulder. "Vera, you don't need to do that. You can put it back."

"You mean it?"

"I do. Miles and I don't want you to forget your mother. We couldn't ask that of you three."

"O-Oh." Vera let out a breath of relief, "I'm glad."

Phoenix smiled at her, taking the photo out of the drawer and returning it to itself proper place. He scooped up his middle-child. "I bet she'd be very proud of you, you know." He walked out of the room, "Apollo! Pearl!"

"Give me a moment, Dad. I'm finishing brushing her hair."

"Don't take long." The father set Vera down and smoothed out her dress.

Pearl bounced into view from around the corner. She was wearing a white and pink dress with a bow on it. "Ready to go, Daddy!"

"Yep." Apollo followed her. He was wearing a very red suit, though he seemed to have lost his suit jacket. The boy was holding a small tabby cat. "So is Shoe."

"Oh no. We are not bringing Shoe." Phoenix shook his head. "No way. This is just for the family."

"Maya's going to be there."

"Maya is a member of our family, Apollo."

"Shoe is too!" Pearl pouted. The cat sprung out of Apollo's arms and into Vera's.

"...He's our furry brother," the girl smiled a little, stroking him.

The children looked expectantly at their dad. Phoenix tried his best to look firm. "Kids, you know I love you guys, and I love Shoe as well. But we can't bring a cat to a wedding."

To none of the children's surprise, they found themselves bringing a cat to a wedding. Since Phoenix had never learned to drive, the Wright family rode to the wedding venue on bikes. Phoenix headed up the charge, with Pearl riding in a booster seat on his bike. Apollo's steed was a red bicycle. He zigzagged behind the two on occasion. Vera brought up the rear in a mint green bike with a basket that Shoe did not seem happy to be in.

The group was parking their bicycles when the boy dressed in red looked over at the big gray trucks arriving, "Hey Dad, look. The caterers are here."

Phoenix glanced up briefly, occupied with undoing the restraints on Pearl's booster seat. "So they are."

"Oh, good!" Pearl jumped out of the seat, "I'm hungry!"

"Still?" Phoenix straightened his tie.

 

"I thought it went like this." Sebastian protested, squirming away from his older sister.

Trucy huffed, attempting to fix the tie, "No one ties a tie like a bow. ...Unless it's a bow tie, I guess. But yours isn't. So quit moving!"

Sebastian stilled, and Trucy continued speaking as she worked, "Also, your jacket would look way cooler if you wore it like a cape. Like mine!" Indeed, with Trucy's little black dress and flowing pink cape that reached down to her waist, the girl looked more like a magician than a groomsmaid. She seemed to love the look.

"What, like this?" Sebastian shrugged out of his red jacket for the article of clothing to hang over his shoulders. Underneath, he was wearing a light blue suit and black tie.

"Yeah!"

Miles sighed, pacing around the room as the Edgeworth children preened. He couldn't possibly sit still and listen for another minute. The man strode out of the building to check up on the garden. To his satisfaction, they were, as they had been when he'd seen them last, stunning. The grounds were well kept. There was a beautiful arch with white flowers. On table were soft yellow tablecloths laid out with blue and red flowers in vases.

In front of the arch were some chairs spread out, but it was by no means a big wedding. A small, private affair for between close friends. Just how Miles liked it. Perhaps things may yet turn out alright after all. There were a few people doing some last minute touch ups. Edgeworth made to go talk to one of them before-

"Gummy!" Kayl squealed, running past Edgeworth in a magenta and white blur to launch herself at the man. Edgeworth blinked in surprise and followed her.

"Detective Gumshoe. Thank you for putting everything together. It looks lovely."

The detective grinned at him, "No problem, sir! I'm happy to help!" He twirled Kay around and set her down. "I'm just happy I won't have to deal with the bill." His chortling died away slowly as he noticed Edgeworth's unamused look.

"I don't know what I would do without you," intoned Edgeworth.

"I don't know what I'd do without you either, Gummy." The girl echoed, much more genuine. It returned the smile right back to Gumshoe's face.

"Aw, gee, pal. I'm going to miss seeing you now that Mr. Edgeworth doesn't have to bring you three to work any more." He scratched the back of his neck, looking pleased.

"Thank god." Miles muttered, but he was ignored.

Kay's face fell, "I'm going to see you again, right, Gummy?"

"Of course! I still work for your papa, kiddo! You'll see me around sometime."

The doorbell rang. The prosecutor let out a sigh of relief. He had yet to go over a few last minute details with his subordinate. "Kay, why don't you get that?"

"I don't want to!"

"You never know. Perhaps it's a thief at the door." That got Kay's attention. It was unusual for a girl of ten, but Kay was fascinated by all things criminal, especially thieves. Miles was desperately hoping that it was only a phase.

"Hmph. Good thieves don't ring the doorbell, Papa." Kay stood her ground. For about three seconds. "But-still-I've-just-gotta-be-sure-see-ya-bye!" The girl took off running.

An excited looking Kay opened the door. She was wearing a magenta dress with a white scarf tied around her neck in a bow. Her face fell when she saw Phoenix and his children standing there.

 

Her stepdad gave a little wave, "Hey, don't you look nice."

"Hi..." Kay sighed, scuffing the ground with her shoe.

Apollo frowned at her "You sound kind of disappointed."

"I thought you guys were a real life thief!"

The defense attorney's brow furrowed. He opened his mouth to say something, and then Edgeworth came around the corner. Seeming to forget what he was about to ask, Phoenix's mouth hung open at the sight of his fiance in his wedding suit.

The prosecutor smiled wanly at the group. "Hello, Phoenix. As well as Apollo, Vera, and Pearl." The man nodded at the furry bundle now in Pearl's arms; "Shoe." He did a double take. "Wright, what is Shoe doing here? You know Pess will frighten him!"

The other groom slapped his hand against his forehead, "How could I forget about the dog! Pearls, go stick the cat upstairs."

Running a hand through his bangs, Miles Edgeworth shook his head, "Regardless of how foolish you are, I refuse to locked up a perfectly fine feline." He looked to his daughter, "Kay, go take the dog outside and tie him tightly to something."

"Fine," Kay trudged back into the house to find Pess. "I always have to do everything around here..."

The prosecutor ignored her, "Now that you've finally arrived, come inside, Wrights."

As soon as the youngest Wrights finished settling in, they began to gabble with the Edgeworth brood. Spotting an opportunity, Edgeworth pulled Phoenix into the gardens for a private moment. The man pointed at various objects, acutely aware of how much the defense attorney was staring at him.

"Everything looks beautiful!" The spikey haired man was quick to exclaim as soon as he got a good look around.

Edgeworth, however wasn't satisfied, "Are you certain?"

"Sure I am." Phoenix nodded, "The flowers are beautiful, and the h'orderves are beautiful, the silverware's beautiful..."

The defense attorney could have gone on for longer, but he was interrupted by his finance. "Good." The silver-haired man let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, "I'm glad to hear you say so."

Phoenix's smile took on a more mischievous quality, "And you know what else is beautiful?"

"Wright, don't say it."

"You're more beautiful than the flowers, and more appetizing than the h'orderves, and more dazzling than the silverware." The man grinned.

"Be serious." Edgeworth scowled, though there was no feeling behind it.

"I'm always serious." Wright gave a serious nod to prove it.

The other man colored very slightly. A stranger would not be able to spot it, but Phoenix knew what to look for."You're ridiculous," he muttered, planting a peck on Phoenix's cheek. The defense attorney leaned in for another kiss, which Edgeworth reciprocated. The two husbands-to-be lingered there for a moment before withdrawing.

"This is going to be a great new beginning, Miles."

"I agree. For all of us."

"Yeah. All of the lawyer bunch."

Edgeworth snorted, shooting his finance a disbelieving glance, "Lawyer bunch? They're children, and they're certainly not all going to become lawyers."

The grown man pouted in a very un-adult like fashion, "Come on. It's only a nickname, Miles. We can't call them the Wright-Edgeworth bunch."

"Why not?"

Phoenix shrugged, "It's too long."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for our lovely lawyers to sign some very important paperwork and get married. Of course, to no one's surprise, things don't go all that smoothly...

“Now, Miles Edgeworth and Phoenix Wright, would you join hands?”

The two man in white suits turned to face each other, taking one another’s hands. They looked into each other’s face. Their children, standing next to them, looked up at them. The youngest kids could barely contain their excitement and the older ones exchanged glances. The priest in front of them went on, 

“Do you, Miles Edgeworth, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love and cherish in sickness and in health til death do you part?” The old, stately man with a stunning beard asked.

The prosecutor nodded, “I do.”

“And do you, Phoenix Wright, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love and cherish, in sickness and in health til death do you part?”

Phoenix swallowed, but he nodded. “I do.”

The bearded priest smiled, “I now pronounce you husbands. You may kiss.”

The two grooms closed the gap between them, preparing to press their lips together before-

“Meow!” Shoe piped up from his spot in Vera’s arms, drawing all eyes to them.

The husbands took it in stride. Phoenix broke off their kiss to laugh at his cat and Edgeworth himself couldn’t help a chuckle. Unfortunately, it also caught Pess’ attention. The dog was tied up to a tree on the other side of the garden. At Shoe’s meowing, the golden retriever strained against his ropes, barking. 

The loose restraints snapped free easily and the creature made a bolt for Vera. The girl shrieked and dropped Shoe, who made a break for it with Pess gaining on him. The children broke away from their parents to catch their beloved pets.

“Pess, don’t do that! You stop chasing that cat!”

“Shoe, Shoe, are you alright?”

Edgeworth grabbed ahold of Kay’s arm, looking sternly at the girl, “I told you to tie that dog up well, Kay.”

The girl stuck her tongue out at him, “Then you should have asked one of the kids who knows how to tie a knot!” She broke free of the man’s grip to chase after her siblings. Edgeworth pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering.

Shoe was cornered between the fountain and a wall, and Pess was approaching. Cries of “Shoe!” heralded the arrival of the Wright kids as they turned the corner. Apollo practically tackled the cat in his hurry to save it. The frightened creature hissed and scratched the boy, eliciting a yelp from him. With Apollo successfully distracted, the cat took off again. Meanwhile, the Edgeworth children had just failed an attempt to get Pess under control. 

“Kids, quit being silly and get that cat under control!” Phoenix ordered. The children scrambled after the animals. Shoe hopped up on a woman’s lap and ran across her to the next person seated all down the row. The dog pursuing him did the same, barking like mad. The guests seated devolved into chaos, standing and looking around in confusion, making exclamations to the others around them. 

The Wright-Edgeworth children were right behind the animals. In his pursuit, Sebastian ran into a guest’s knee and toppled over, causing the boy to start wailing. His sibling, Trucy and Kay, doubled back and started shrieking with him.

“For goodness’ sake, stop screaming,” Edgeworth scolded them.

“Everyone stay calm!” Detective Gumshoe yelled over the noise, “...Please.”

Phoenix rested his hand on his housekeeper’s shoulder, “Maya, please, can’t you do something about the dog?”

“Sure thing, Nick!” Maya stood on top of her chair, whistling “Pess! Sit, Pess! Stay, Pess!” 

The golden retriever paid no heed to the woman’s words, and the chase made its way to the front of the house. The children kept running determinedly after the pets. 

“Pess, you’re gonna be in trouble if you don’t stop!” Trucy called after her dog.

“If you’re gonna eat the cat, at least do it faster!” Kay panted.

The cat in question steered back towards the guests, jumping over a particularly pink woman. The woman waved a hand in front of her after the dog passed her over. 

“Someone get April some ice!” the sparkly man next to her said, but no one did.

At this point, the rest of the guests were trying to catch the feuding animals to restore some order. It wasn’t going very well. The cat, the dog, and Pearls all managed to dart right underneath Gumshoe’s legs without the Detective catching them. 

Shoe jumped up onto one of the tables and streaked across it, hopping from table to table. Pess followed with much less grace, knocking things over in his hasty over-eager pursuit. 

“They’re going to knock over the cake!” Vera pointed, biting her lip.

 

Phoenix’s head swiveled upon hearing his daughter’s warning. He sprinted towards the table that held the cake. Shoe jumped over the cake, but Pess blundered into it and knocked it to the side. Phoenix held out his hands, ready to catch the cake. It soared past his hands and slammed into his face, knocking the man down. Quick footsteps indicated his husband running to check on the downed man.

Phoenix wiped away most of the frosting to see. Through a cakey haze, he could see that the prosecutor was peering down at him. The spikey-haired man broke into laughter, and he grabbed his partner. 

“Oh no, Wright. Don’t you dare-!”

The man was cut off as the other man kissed him and pulled the prosecutor on top of him. 

“Miles, you forgot. I never got to kiss the bride.”

 

A few hours after the wedding, the grooms had changed back into their normal suits. They walked into a hotel arm in arm. The hotel lobby was mostly gray, with brick walls. It had brown couches and chairs with the occasional vase of flowers. Despite the lack of color in the lobby, it still retained an air of elegance. 

Behind the registering desk was a man with black hair with an orange stripe in it. He was wearing a bellboy uniform and he bowed to the husbands. “Hello, gentlemen. May I be of service?”

Edgeworth stepped up to the desk, dropping his husband’s hand. “Yes, thank you. We are Mr. Wright,” he nodded at the man, “and Mr. Edgeworth.” he gestured at himself, “We have a reservation.”

“Oh, of course.” The bellboy opened his book. “It seems you have the honeymoon suite.” 

“Yes.”

The bellboy pushed the key across the desk, “If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know.”

“Certainly.” Edgeworth picked the key up and turned on his heel. He took his husband’s hand and the two walked up the stairs towards their room. 

 

“Phoenix, the tea is ready,” Up in the suite, Edgeworth was pouring tea into two cups .

The man walked out of the bedroom “Where did you find tea?” He chuckled, “Not that I’m surprised you managed to.”

“Hmph. The bellboy brought it up.”

Phoenix sat down at the table, “They couldn’t have brought up champagne or something?” 

The prosecutor huffed, pushing a teacup at the other man. “I specifically requested tea.”

“You know that tea has a weird effect on me,” Phoenix complained. He drained the teacup anyway and made a face.

“Oh?” the prosecutor raised an eyebrow, “What would that be?”

“It make my tongue feel funny,” the defense attorney helpfully stuck out his tongue. “But maybe you can help me with that?”

The blue suited man leaned closer, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. His husband finished his own tea, looking impassive, ”You’re absolutely hopeless, Phoenix,” he sighed, allowing the other man to bear down on him.

Phoenix let out a sigh of contentment, kissing his husband and wrapping his hands around the other man’s waist,

“I know.”

 

Meanwhile, back in the Wright-Edgeworth household, the children were upset.They were packed away in a spare room of the Wright household. Their own belongings weren’t unpacked and so the room was filled with a bunch of random objects: mugs that smelled like coffee, dusty law books, and several dead plants. They cast weird shadows on the walls. It was late, and while the Edgeworth children were in their beds, but were far from being asleep. Sebastian was crying.

“I got knocked over and hurt,” Sebastian sniffled, addressing his teddy bear. “I couldn’t help but scream. And neither could Kay or Trucy.” The boy choked a sob, “But Papa still only yelled at us, he didn’t even yell at the other kids.” 

His sisters said nothing. They were just as sad as the youngest Edgeworth.

 

“Edgeworth?” Phoenix spoke up, his head in the prosecutor’s lap.

“Hm?” The magenta-clad man absentmindedly ran his fingers through the blue suited man’s spikey hair.

“Do you feel bad for yelling at your kids?”

The man was silent for a long moment. He sighed, “Yes.”

“Me too.”

“It was just such chaos. The cat and dog chasing each other, the food going everywhere, April May fainting...”

“Don’t forget my faceful of cake.” Wright sat up, chuckling.

After a brief hesitation, Edgeworth joined in laughing. “You looked ridiculous.” 

Phoenix rested against his husband as they laughed. The light reflecting off of the prosecutor’s ring caught his attention. He smiled at the ring: the fact that they were married seemed barely real. Phoenix caught Edgeworth’s hand and admired the ring for a moment. 

“Phoenix.” His name got him to look up into his husband’s face. The man in the magenta suit was concerned. 

Phoenix sighed, “Yeah, I know. We shouldn’t have said that to the kids.” He pecked the man’s cheek, “But it’s our honeymoon, Miles. We have to try and have fun. I bet those kids have already forgotten it. No doubt right at this moment, my little guys are wearing smiles a mile wide ”

 

Apollo, Vera, and Pearl rested their heads in their hands, frowning at the wall opposite them. In front of the three were untouched plates of chocolate cake and milk. Maya walked into the kitchen, humming a little song when she spotted the three. The housekeeper’s jaw dropped.

“Three perfectly good pieces of cake and you guys haven’t eaten any of it?” The woman asked in a scandalized whisper, “What’s wrong with you guys?”

The oldest was the first to answer, “Dad was unfair to yell at us. We were only trying to help.”

“He wasn’t mad at the other kids, and Pess was the one trying to hurt Shoe,” Vera cradled the cat in her arms.

Pearl looked down at her plate, “Daddy only yelled at us.”

Apollo banged his fists on the take, “I guess that’s just how it’s gonna be now, isn’t it? Because they’re Papa’s kids, they’re going to get away with everything.”

While the children were talking, Maya had started eating Apollo’s cake. The housekeeper spoke with her mouth full, “Aw, come on. You guys don’t really believe that, do you?”

“We sure do.”

“Daddy isn’t going to love us as much anymore.” Vera spoke softly.

The youngest agreed, “Yeah,”

 

The grooms were having a hard time trying to enjoy a candelit dinner on their wedding night. The parents barely even looked at each other.

“This is, um, a fantastic hotel. Great pick, Miles.” The defense made the first stab at conversation.

“Thank you. I agree,” The prosecution responded hollowly.

Awkward silence once again overtook the hotel room. Silverware clinked against the plates. The soft glow of candles illuminated the diners. The men picked at their dinner and glanced around the room, each remembering the last thing they had said to their children.

“Kids, quit being silly and get that cat under control!” Phoenix winced as the words rattled around in his head.

“For goodness’ sake, stop screaming!” The words thrummed in the back of Edgeworth’s mind, causing the man to frown deeply at his food. 

Their silence reigned supreme until Phoenix finally shook his head, “We both know the answer to this.”

His husband nodded, standing. “Let’s go.”

Hand in hand, the men rushed down the stairs, startling the poor bellboy next to them.

“Mr. Wright! Mr. Edgeworth!”

Wright waved his free hand at the hotel worker, “Don’t worry, we’ll be back!”

They got into Edgeworth’s flashy red sports car and the silver-haired man took off for home.

 

The door swung open softly, revealing a darkened room full of sleeping children. Their parents crept in, Edgeworth walking over to the bed of his youngest and shaking him gently. The little boy’s eyes flickered open. He grinned in delight, “Papa!”

Edgeworth smiled at him, “Hello, Sebastian. Be quiet, or we’ll wake up Detective Gumshoe.”

Phoenix went over to the girl’s beds and awakened the other two Edgeworth children by turning on the light. “Come on, girls. Time to wake up.”

“What’s going on?” Trucy rubbed her eyes sleepily. Phoenix sat next to her, ruffling the young girl’s hair. 

“How would you kids like to come along with us?”

“On your honeymoon?” Kay’s eyes were stretched wide.

“Wow!” Sebastian said, “I’ve never been on a honeyspoon before!”

Edgeworth’s middle child laughed, “It’s honeymoon, Sebastian, not honeyspoon!”

“I knew that!” the boy pouted.

Phoenix quickly shushed the two. 

“What can you expect from children?” Trucy sniffed haughtily.

With the Edgeworth brood successfully quieted, Edgeworth stood up, “I had better tell the good detective that we’re taking our children with us. You help them pack their things, Phoenix.”

 

Once the young Edgeworths were packed and waiting, it was time to wake the Wrights. Pearl woke up first, “Daddy, you’re back!” Phoenix smiled at her and scooped up his little girl. He rose to be level with the top bunk that Vera slept on. 

“Vera, Vera, wake up...”

The older girl blinked her eyes open. She yawned. “What are you guys doing here?” 

Edgeworth clicked on the lights just as Apollo walked into the room, “Hey, what’s going on?”

“How would you Wrights like to come along on our honeymoon?” 

The youngest Wright squealed, her hands shooting up to her face, “That sounds great! Ooh! What should I take on my honeymoon?”

Apollo crossed his arms, “The first thing is usually a spouse.” He shook his head, “I’m going back to bed.”

The middle child climbed into her father’s arms to be set down at ground level, “Aren’t you coming with us?”

“No thanks. I’m too old to go on a honeymoon.”

“Daddy’s way older than you are, and he’s going on a honeymoon,” Pearl pointed out.

“Come on, ‘Pollo,” his dad encouraged him, shepherding his kids towards their closets. “We’re doing this as a family.”

The Wrights started to sleepily gather their things.

“I think I’m going to go tell Maya that we’re-” Phoenix began.

Maya walked through the door, holding the kids’ suitcases, “Maya already knows.”

“What? How?”

The housekeeper shrugged, “I knew you’d be back, you big softies. I already packed their stuff.” She shoved the suitcases at the husbands.

“Are we really that easy to read?” Edgeworth grumbled as they handed out suitcases.

 

The blended Wright-Edgeworth family walked proudly into the lobby of the hotel. Working behind the desk, the bellboy had to do a double take, “Mr. Wright, Mr. Edgeworth!”

Edgeworth nodded curtly at the staff member, “It’s perfectly alright. They’re with us.”

His husband laughed, “Honeymoon for two was too lonely for us. I’d much rather have a honeymoon for eight.”

“A honeymoon for nine, Daddy!” Sebastian held up his stuffed bear.

“Actually,” Trucy piped up with a cheeky smile. Her partner in crime, Kay revealed the smuggled cat in its carrier, “More like ten.”

Maya stepped into the lobby with Pess on his leash. The dog barked. “Eleven.”

“Don’t forget Miss Maya!” Pearl chirped. The little girl had taken to the housekeeper instantly.

“That makes twelve,” Vera nodded.

Phoenix crossed the room to face his friend, “Maya… no offense, but what are you two doing here?”

“Aww, Pess couldn’t go to sleep without Mr. Edgeworth!” The housekeeper leaned in closer, grinning smugly, “Besides, shouldn’t someone look after the kids tonight?”

The defense attorney flushed. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, “That’s not a bad idea.”

Edgeworth cleared his throat, also looking distinctly uncomfortable. “Now is a good time for all of us to head upstairs.”

The children faced a problem when there were too many of them to go up at once. Apollo tried to start up before Trucy grabbed him.

“Hey, ladies first!”

“Nuh-huh, it’s by age!”

Sebastian pushed through the two of them, “Then the youngest should be first!”

“I’m younger than you are!” Pearl protested, fighting for space.

Vera hung back silently, her eyes wide. The children, sans Vera, yelled to be heard over the others. While Phoenix and Edgeworth made a valiant attempt to break up the fighting, Pess started to bark. Maya whistled for the dog to stop. Phoenix turned to his husband, “There’s only one way to do this.”

“Attention!” the man’s yell caused the children to fall silent and stop fighting. “Fall in over here. Tallest in the front, shortest in the back.”

The grumbling children sorted themselves out accordingly. “Alright, you guys. Left foot forward, and go!” He stepped forward, a goofy grin on his face. “One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.”

The little boys, girls, and Maya followed him with conviction, looking like tiny soldiers. Edgeworth trailed next to him, rubbing a hand on his temple. He didn’t bother to stay in step. “I cannot believe that I married you.” 

The large, blended family marched upstairs to their rooms. The bellboy below sighed deeply and took another aspirin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, if you actually read this far, thanks so much! I hope you enjoyed that piece of trash. 
> 
> Now, what happens to this garbage is up to you lot. I’d be completely down to continue, but I’ve got no idea what. So you can help me! If you have a specific episode and/or idea in this AU that you would like to see made into a fic, please let me know! I can promise that I pretty much won't turn down any ideas. Regardless, this was a lot of fun. So again, thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I know that's a bad place to end it, but it was getting really long. I have the other half written already, and I'll probably post it either within the day or at the very latest, by tomorrow. 6k words is just a lot to read in one sitting, y'know what I mean? But yeah, thanks for reading this far, I promise I'll have the next part up soon!
> 
> I have a tumblr: thecosmicaccident.tumblr.com


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